Abstinent Kiwi

Long Winded Instructions

Have you ever poked a straw in a kiwi and tried to drink the sweet kiwi juice within? Well, then you learned that kiwis don’t really work that way. Maybe you get just a little bit, but not really worth the effort. It’s better to smush that kiwi until all of its delicious juices (and secrets presumably) are brought out into the open. That’s precisely what we’ve done with this drink.

Now it can be easy to get carried away with declaring milestones and you could argue this is long overdue anyway, but I’m proud to announce that this is our very first non-alcholic mixed drink on the blog. Yes, that’s right. Thank you, no need to applaud. You are applauding, right?

This entry came from a desire to make a nice lemon-limade. And, just as with regular lemonade, you have to counter that strong tartness with sweetness. Usually that means loading up on sugar, and usually quite a lot more sugar than lemon or lime juice. But, we didn’t want to overdo it. We knew we needed sugar, but we went looking for another way to mellow things out. A crushed kiwi, it turned out, was perfect for the task! It brings a nice flavor and its own natural sweetness to the mix. Finally, because we’ve been on a carbonation kick recently, a splash of club soda was a welcome addition to further tone things down while adding some of that fizzy, crackling character.

So let’s do it. Start with your mixing glass and your kiwi. You’ll want to peel the kiwi first and then toss it in the glass. We’ll eventually strain this, so you may not need to peel it if you’re in a hurry. Muddling the skins with add some nice vitamins and nutrients to your drink, but it will also add some bitterness. So, yeah probably worth it to peel and then muddle away. Now add your lemon juice. Now add your lime juice. I think you see where I’m going with this. Now add your simple syrup. But wait! Stop adding things for a sec, because it’s time to shake this with some ice. Shaking this now will mix things up thoroughly and bring that temperature way down, just the way we like it.

Time to strain. Now your regular strainer is going to hold back the ice and the pulp, but it will let through a bunch of little black kiwi seeds. If you prefer not to have the seeds in there, use a fine strainer as well. Now top your drink with a little club soda and mix.

“Hold up!” you say, rudely interrupting me.

“Yes?” I reply.

“Why do you have me pouring and mixing soda when I could have just shaken it with the rest of the mixture?”

“Well you could have done that, but the shaking would have made your soda go flat. You want things nice and crisp!”

“Of course! I apologize for being so rude to you.”

“It’s ok. This is the internet, so that was a pretty pleasant exchange compared to how things normally go.”

“That’s true. You’re so smart and handsome.”

Annnnd… scene! That was a little play I wrote to demonstrate why we generally don’t shake carbonated drinks. But the real moral of the story is that confrontation works out just fine when you’re writing both sides.

Anyways, the final step here is to toss a kiwi wheel onto that drink. Preferably you do this from across the room and it lands perfectly on the glass rim. Have a sip and drink as many as you want without the usual consequences of too many cocktails. There is a good amount of sugar though, so be aware of that.