Western Warrior [Fan Submission]

Long Winded Instructions

Fan Submission & Review
Recipe by Seekay

Welcome cocktail enthusiast. Now this drink may not be very sophisticated, or very pretty, or even particularly pleasant. But, it’s lean and scrappy. And, if you’re gluten intolerant or on keto, your options are pretty limited anyway. Enter the Western Warrior.

This recipe came to us as a surprise. One of our fans, Seekay, managed to find my phone number and texted me. I was surprised because we weren’t asking for submissions, nor had I published my phone number anywhere. Normally I would be pretty uncomfortable with this. However, just as I was getting ready to Google “restraining order,” he sent his video link. I watched with fascination as this bearded man in a rainbow tux made what appeared to be a pretty awful drink. But, how could I say for sure?

Clever name. Easy recipe. Diet friendly. Why not give it a try?

“This is a pretty easy one,” Seekay proclaimed, “but the nice thing about it is it's very healthy.”

Healthy is relative here, but without all the sugar in most of the cocktails we drink, this did seem to be technically healthier. Maybe this would turn out to be a good option for dieters. I had to try it for myself. I did run into a snag though as I couldn’t find the same brand ingredients that Seekay used that gives the drink its name (although to be fair, I didn’t try very hard). But there are plenty of vanilla protein powders out there. I grabbed the cheapest option on the rack and I was on my way!

The instructions for this one are incredibly simple. Start by gathering these specific, hard-to-find ingredients. You may need to travel into a different state to do so. Now, find an old timey milk bottle. You know, the kind that an old timey milk man would deliver. Put some ice in there. This part, I assume, takes some patience as the mouth of the bottle is not very wide. You’ll have to thread the ice through there one at a time probably. And you’ll want a good number of them. Next, grab a scoop of powder and finesse that into the bottle as well. Much of it will likely miss and land on the counter. We’re well on our way now!
Pour the vodka into the bottle. 2 glugs worth. What’s that you say? You’re not familiar with the measurement of a glug? Not to worry. Give the video a watch for a demonstration. Best way I can describe it, I’d say, is to pour for “awhile”. Then add a splash more. Now you want to mix your drink by shaking the milk bottle vigorously. See Seekay’s pioneering technique. Cover the top of the bottle with your palm (be sure to make a good seal) and shake vertically. Much of the effort should come from the shoulders. The arms move very little, but the drink will be mixing thoroughly.

At this point you’re ready to prepare your presentation glass. You can grab any glass that’s nearby (doesn’t even need to be yours) and down whatever drink is already in there to make room. Now pour into the glass using Seekay’s new 3-finger straining technique. Yes, that’s exactly what it sounds like. 3 fingers is the right number to cover the mouth of the bottle, hold the ice in, while still allowing the “cocktail” to flow out. Great!

And you’re done! That was easy! Now you can enjoy a drink that, while chalky in texture, has a nice vanilla bouquet and about 26 grams of protein. Enjoy!