Gimlet

Long Winded Instructions

The Gimlet. A simple drink for a sophisticated drinker. It has gin, it has lime, it has syrup. It has a rich history, presumably.

Sure, I could tell you all about the etymology of the name, likely from the hole boring tool. I could tell you about the British sailors that probably created it and used it to prevent scurvy. I could even tell you that certain members of macaque society use them to bribe other members for a shoulder massage. I could... and so I will.

Start with your shaker. Why (you didn’t ask)? Because that’s where all the magic happens (I answered anyway). The shaker was first used in the 18th century when scientists of the time used broken up ice from a frozen pond to chill the inert chemicals used in their experiments. Obviously that practice was frowned upon because it sometimes caused the scientists to get a condition called “Cold Fingers”. This produced a whole new branch of chemistry now known as “Hellacoldpondistry,” which is now defunct mostly due to no one being willing to fund related research. However, the original tool found its way into mixology when one of the researchers decided that their cousin’s moonshine was too warm.

Pour the gin into your shaker. Gin has an interesting history. It was invented in roughly June 19th of 1847 at 6:23pm when a man made a request of his wife, Gilda. “Give me some chin,” he said. At the time that was slang for, “give me a kiss.” Gilda misheard the request as, “give me some gin,” and proceeded to invent it right on the spot in order to satisfy his request. “We didn’t have anything called gin,” she told him, “but I made something new using our vodka and juniper berries.” The man didn’t get his kiss, but he was pleased none-the-less.

Now add the lime juice. Have I ever told you about how lime juice came to be? An abusive tennis instructor was busy, one evening, shouting obscenities at her unfortunate tennis student. The student was doing his best to return the tennis balls that the instructor hurled at him. The instructor reached into a basket of tennis balls, rapid fire, and served them to her student at an alarming rate. “It’s the only way you’ll learn, you incompetent nit wit!” she shouted at the boy. He managed to connect with some, but most of them bounced and hit the fence behind him. What this cruel instructor didn’t notice was the lime tree that was growing over the fence and hovering over the basket of tennis balls. Just as the instructor was about to grab another ball, a nice ripe lime fell off the tree and landed in the basket. The instructor, without looking, grabbed it and tossed it up just like so many tennis balls before. In her fury at the poor student, she didn’t notice the change in size, weight, or texture and swung her racquet at the lime with deadly force. The lime burst, shedding lime pulp and juice all over the instructor and the court. Some of it even reached the boy on the other side of the net. Licking her lips, the instructor realized that the juice within had an excellent flavor. Without saying a word, she immediately walked off the court to try smashing more limes with her racquet into her sports water bottle. Oddly enough, it was the first time that anyone thought to check if limes were edible.

Ready to add the simple syrup? Go right ahead. While you do, I’ll regale you with the incredibly true story of the origin of simple syrup. Picture it! Sicily… 1923. A pastry chef had various tubs of ingredients out on his counter. He was working on a batch of pastries. I won’t go into which pastries. Suffice to say, you would have been very impressed. He was working against a deadline and he had much left to do. Also, his assistant was home with a migraine. As he rushed to get everything done, he clumsily dumped his tub of sugar into his tub of water. “No!!!” he cried out, “this probably tastes like crap!” He struck his fist into the mixture in a fit of frustration. Then he put his face in his hands, not able to bear the humiliation. But then, something wonderful happened. The sugar water ran down his cheek and onto his tongue. Well… I think you can guess the rest. Yes, that’s right. He made a cocktail right away with his accidental tub of simple syrup, and mixologists everywhere rejoiced. The name of that man… was Mahatma Gandhi.

Now shake your mixture with ice. Do you know where ice came from? Well… never mind… I’ll tell you when you’re older. Strain the drink into a nice coupe glass and garnish with a nice lime wheel. That’s it! And, your drink will be even more satisfying now that you know the colorful history of all of the ingredients.

Now, I suppose that I should add a quick disclaimer here that I didn’t research any of the truly true origin stories above. I did however, fill in a few blanks in my knowledge, so take these facts with a grain of salt. Speaking of salt…